I don’t know that this has ever been tried before and it may be a ground-breaking, earth-shattering, cosmos-exploding revelation. I know that once I utter it that I cannot really ever use it myself. Therefore, I offer it up to you, O huddled masses.
The Really Defense.
It is all that you should ever need inside of a courtroom. When asked any direct question, I feel that you can look at the interrogator with a look of absolute disbelief and say, “Really?”
Case closed.
Example A:
Prosecutor: Were you aware of your actions when you drove the forklift into the Belleville Retirement Home?
You: Really? I rest my case.
Example B:
Prosecutor: Can you honestly say that you blacked out, in a fit of rage, when you violently bludgeoned that family of penguins to death at the zoo?
You: Really?
It works in any scenario. It can never fail. The worst that they can do is question your sanity and then you get to go to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time and you’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats as they’re coming to take you away, ha-ha!
I wish that I could elaborate more, but this seems to be the purest distillate that I can come up with. Hopefully someone tries the Really Defense in the near future and proves me right.
Skål.
Ezra
